∑ilage

To whom it may concern:

unfortuneately i must report a vioation of ethics on my campus. Terra Walston, an employee of the English department at the university of Illinois, has shown herself unable to reason through ethical problems relating to complimentary gifts and free merchandise. Naively, she stateed out loud "couldn't you accept a product for free if you were to write an evaluation of that product?" I believe this was covered on the 3rd portion of the ethics exam that all state employees were required to take. I also believe she is firmly in the wrong.

As someone who has failed her ethics test in practice, she has fallen below the acceptable metric for "good" behavior. she is clearly a threat to state security, nay, state sanity, and i recommend that her mind be destroyed, though her body may remain intact for the purposes of pro bono medical experiments. I'm sorry to report such a tragic event, but hopefully we can all work together to turn a "minus" into a "plus."

in righteousness,

Michael Simeone

Ph. D Student and Instructor
English, Film, and Media
University of Illinois at Urbana Champaign