∑ilage

this is a "pull my finger santa."

it in many ways resembles my father.

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So here they are, my favorite pictures that i've taken with my cameraphone this year. I kinda use it as a diary of sorts. Most of them are taken from my car while driving, or just cause, and they are pretty poor quality, but I do it cuz i like it. I guess i also use it because i'm a total dork.

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Look, we should all just admit it. I know Clipse, J.T., Joanna Newsom, Tom Waits and others have put out good albums that made them critic darlings, but that doesn't change the depressing fact that 2006 was just a weak year overall for new music.

Like a lot of you, I am also tired of synth driven "rock" like Postal Service. That doesn't mean it's not good though, and i certainly don't agree that it's "lethargic." It's just really worn out and has lost some of its innovative appeal. Unless you just want to say that it's all just gussied up 80s music. Which i guess would be fair. Huey Lewis and the News anyone?

Anyways, not much new stuff this year that i liked a lot. Decemberists new album was nice, and even beautiful, but it's still part of a now familiar formula from those guys. Acclaimed albums like Destroyer's Rubies were really just obnoxious and hard to follow, and had me itching to pitch my plastic frames into the trash. Shit, when the title song for snakes on a plane gets top 40 time, you know we're desperate.

So here's my recommendation: Arctic Monkeys: Whatever people say i am, tha'ts what i'm not"

This album rocks.

Pros:

1) It's british so all the lyrics sound cool even when they're not
2) It includes guitars
3) Not afraid to occasionally sacrifice pretty harmony (overrated) for kick-ass chord crunching, downright shouting, and drum bashing.
4) Catchy on the first listen, but later tracks reward continued attention.
5) Hates on San Fransisco hipsters
6) Sounds exhilirating in the car at high volume whilst driving

Cons:

1) I think i heard "fake tales of san fransisco" (track 2 or 3) playing from the Gap in the local shopping mall while i was christmas shopping. Probably included on some maxim 06 mix or a Hollister complimentary CD. Can't count that against the album too much though, considering that the same Gap audience simply could not handle ugly later tracks like "from the ritz to rubble" or "perphas vamppires is a bit strong." Unless of course your one of those emo, skater, or hispster dicks that won't listen to music just because you didn't hear it in your garage or someone bought the rights to it. If so, go survey the average lifestyle of a musician with no commercial love and tell me what you think. Then go blow a rhino and choke on the darkened fluid that comes out. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people like that?

2) Only 13 tracks long.

3) Not the Arcade Fire.

happy listening

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So, knowing that a substance like dimethylmercury exists means i will never feel safe again. It vaporizes almost instantly, is deadly poisonous, and if you smell it then it means you've already been exposed to too much. by the way, it works its way through protective lab equipment too.

Sweet Dreams

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A feature story from 1924 that detailed plans to train chimpanzees to talk, walk, and act like homo sapiens in a French "Monkey College." Diabolical I say! (citation goes to Donna Haraway for digging this one up)

Click the pic for a much larger photo where you can even make out some of the poorly reproduced copy.

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Meet the Mavs! They're everyone's favorite Western Conference Contender! They have Dirk Nowitski, the NBA's best 7 foot jump shooter! They have Mark Cuban, a free styling business "maverick" if there ever was one! They have the second best record in the West at 14-6! Go Mavs!

All of the exclamation points are just a way of thinly concealing my seething hatred for the Dallas Mavericks, of course. I just can't stand their brand of "small ball," "uptempo," and "breakneck" basketball.

When Phoenix does this kind of basketball, it works; several shooters get open on the floor because they outrun their defenders, active playmakers dribble penetrate the defense, and athletic and talented bigs are leaping to the rim for dunks, ally-oops, and lay-ups. Rebounding and defense don't matter to the system because it's small, fast, and scores a lot. Did i mention it's a joy to watch?

The Mavs wish they could do this. The Suns have Steve Nash. He's a god among point guards and a brilliant play maker. The Mavs have fucking Jason Terry and Devin Harris. They suck crusty old jock strap. They look like a cat on LSD when they flop to the basket. Earlier this year when the Mavs saw the nets, i saw Devin Harris dribble, pop the ball in the air and hold his hands out as to say "i don't have possession anymore," then--no shit--he picks the ball up and starts dribbling again thinking that he could outsmart the double dribble/travel rules. What a fool. This batch craplickers only approximate small ball, and here's how a typical game breaks down:

Terry and Harris hurl themselves at the basket, take advantage of new league contact rules, and draw a bunch of shooting fouls. They couldn't hit the broadside of a barn with their shots, but it doesn't matter. They go to the line. Then, Nowitski takes pot shots at the rim til he gets on the board (and no one can guard this coward because he's 7 feet tall, so he gets any jump shot he wants), then he throws himself at the rim like his two buddies. Eric Dampier stands around and gets upset because he's doesn't feel like part of the defense, then wheezes up and down the floor because his father was probably an ogre. On the sidelines, Mark Cuban is busy hitting on a 13 year old jr. high cheerleader and snorting coke out of an airline courtesy bag.

The results are pretty ridiculous--a team that goes to the line all the time, killing the pace of the game and filling up the other team with personal fouls. Don't forget their annoying owner who won't leave the referees alone. bo-ring!

We should now be reminded that i can't play basketball to save my life. But as a fan that knows a little more than jack squat, this shit irritates the hell out of me.

In the first quarter of tonights Jazz-Mavs game, midway through the first half, the jazz shot only 6 free throws, while the mavs had shot 20. The game was reasonable then. As soon as Utah starts evening out in its FT attempts, the game gets blown open to a 20+ point game in the Jazz's favor.

Their field goal percentage was 37 percent, and they shot 15 percent from the 3 point line.

What a joke, and they almost won the championship last year, except Dwayne Wade used the same strategy against them and wins. I guess i would think that would be poetic justice if i weren't busy trying to separate my head from my neck out of rage because the whole thing is just so fucking stupid. Also, these hijinx rake in millions of dollars.

I know i'm not the only one who hates the mavs. I know you're out there. Chime in with some of your own hate or statistics-based loathing.

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Joel posted this recent article by one of my favorites, Mike Davis. It's about Dubai, the growing consumerist-capitalist-utopian city (arcology?) along the coast of the Persian Gulf. His blog comments weren't working, so i decided to post my response here.

My summary of the article is as follows:

so, lemme get this straight:

phase 1. consolodating the world's resources into supporting a multi-trillion dollar pleasure palace designed for the richest people alive. check.

phase 2. taxing the ecosystem at a baroque scale just to satisfy some fucked up principle of the best. check

phase 3. clearing the region of hostile
forces so that building can continue. check

phase 4. live it up on top of the dying heap of the world as it chokes itself to death because it has no more fuel (oops, who knew it'd run out?). check

phase 5. eat a big fucking breakfast.



i love the way that science fiction, "imagineering," and speculation are now a way to cover up the fact that some shit, like, o i don't know, a mile high building or an underwater hotel, is just stupid and wasteful.
Some people have got this weird hang up where dreams must become a reality, science fiction must become real life. Then, in turn, real life becomes locked into and reaffirms a particular track of development and imagination which remains utopian for some and dystopian for everyone else.

It's chilling (and a bit cliche i guess) to think of Dubai as the equivalent of Sumerian Ziggurats and Egyptian pyramids, in their construction, maniacal purpose,
and the fact that people will be digging them up 1000 years from now wondering what the fuck we were thinking.

Some fantasies should just stay fantasies, like shitting on someone you hate or having sex with someone dressed in a big furry mascot costume. It might be less ambitious, but it would be a lot better than what we got now: a small group of decadent crazies tautologically chasing their imaginations towards a big fat doomsday.

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It's the worst disease ever! Well, it's no polio, black death, or exposure to polonium 210, but it sure does feel bad, and here's why:

1) No appetite. At all. Stomach Flu takes that away. You didn't need it anyhow.

2) Suddenly your, um, "reverse appetite" becomes ravenous. Stomach Flu makes sure that you just can't stop gushing fluids. Particularities of which hole gets to leak do not matter to Stomach Flu.

3) Regular gastrointestinal habits and normal appetite do not return until about 1 to 2 weeks after the major symptoms of Stomach Flu have passed.

4) The virus is spread most often because someone didn't wash their hands enough after stooling or puking all over the place. In fact, most people do not properly wash their hands. You have to wash under your fingernails, between fingers, etc., for 20 seconds. That's right, 20 seconds. This fourth point leads me to my fifth and worst point:

5) having stomach flu means you ingested a (small, or even miniscule) amount of someone else's feces.

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i'm hoping to sell this image to hallmark or whoever puts out those "hang in there" posters we all remember from our elementary school libararies (you know, a kitten hanging by one paw, or a kitten in a boot). Don't forget to click the pic!

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ok so its lame that i'm advocating an album of a band i just saw. too bad. this album, "it still moves," is really great, and seems to slip through the cracks as some folks pay more attention to "at dawn" and "z."

"just one thing" and "one big holiday" are both outstanding tracks. and just like the Drive By Truckers "The Dirty South," this album is best enjoyed at full, full volume.

O yeah, and did i mention there's a gorgeous blinged out grizzly bear on the album cover? that should be enough as is. paging timothy treadwell...

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it's 7:48, and the air outside is so cold that by licking your lips, you can get them to freeze a little bit.

i've been told by some people that the best strategy for keeping warm is to simply "give up." Give up on being warm, give up on the idea you have about feeling your extremities, just focus on what you have instead of what the cold takes away. Seems effective.

Fun cold time activities enjoyed by me:

pin the tail on your nose (fuck it, you can't feel the tack anyways)

indoor soccer

maniacally checking the standings for fantasy basketball on nba.com

running, then searching for where my dick went after it freezes off.

reading one of the many, many books i have to get done for my exams next year.

halasana (plow position in yoga, basically you fold your body in half and it feels good)

pocket pool

eating "tasty bite" pre-made low preservative indian kosher meals that you mix from a foil pouch (yum muthafuckin' yum).

wondering what life would be like in arizona

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use this thread to write a haiku dedicated to masturbation. Because you will be doing this activity on a blog, on a computer you've probably masturbated with at least once, this shebang should be like, masturbation cubed.

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...don't read it. trust me.

unless of course you really like pretentious, narcissistic, and morbid postmodern fiction that tries to out-baudrillard baudrillard before baudrillard was Baudrillard.

just read 300 pages of gravity's rainbow and call it good.

memorable moments from White Noise:

"What good is my truth? My truth means nothing" (23).

"Is there a true deja vu and a false deja vu?" (122).


"'We are the sum total of our data,' I told her, 'just as we are the sum total of our chemical impulses'" (192).

So he wrote it in '85 with (apparently) Derrida's dick firmly shoved in his mouth, and quite possibly the frankfurt school and a couple of situationalists rammed up his poo hole. Doesn't matter. Plenty of writers get creative without spouting off canned theoretical maxims.

Puke. I don't care if DeLillo's being cheeky, or if he's even more postmodern, indeterminately cheeky. Like, how serious is he? He's totally messing with my mind by dishing these huge profundities.

The dialogue reads like a bad philosophy lecture. I mean, if you're going to write a 300 page pontification, at least be craftier at making it a smoother read. Even William Pierce could do that, and he's a fucking racist psycho.

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as the thrid installment of what is now a "things that suck" trilogy, i now offer this obvious statement to my already uncreative blogging (wow, write about things that suck on your own blog, nice one hipster). That doesn't make it any less true though. Humans do suck, and these sea lions prove it:

"the most frightening of the recent episodes, a rogue sea lion bit 14 swimmers this month and chased 10 more out of the water at San Francisco's Aquatic Park, a sheltered lagoon near the bay. At least one victim suffered puncture wounds."

Maybe these sea lions are poisoned from algae (as some biologists speculate), maybe they listened to too much Brotha Lynch (as i speculate), but i think they are just keepin' it real by trying their damnedest to eat some people. This part of the article was particularly inspiring:

"Last year, a group of sea lions took over a Newport Beach marina and caused a vintage 50-foot yacht to capsize when they boarded it. And a lifeguard in Santa Barbara was bitten three times while swimming off El Capitan State Beach."

Hell yeah. I wish that shit was on YouTube. Sea lions are playful and mean well. They only eat fish typically, which is ok because fish stink and look stupid. Coincidentally, humans also stink and look stupid. So i guess it's no surprise that human is now on the menu.

So fuck you humans, and your football and your fantasy sports too. If you are lucky, nuclear war will end your lives before an army of sea lions swarms the coasts of every nation and commences to gnaw your fucking dicks off.

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gators lose. i guess i would be upset if i cared. i think i know a guy that might be upset though, especially since his fantasy team is doing even worse :)

speakin of NBA fantasy, i can't say enough how much bullshit the nba.com system is, which for all its innovations (player limit system, for example), gives mad favors to big men. only 2 of the 8 dedicated positions are available for guards, small forward, turns out, can be played by lots of people who typically play power forward, and there's room for 2 centers. And surprise surprise, most power forwards get to play center too. What's this all add up to?

Power forwards rule fantasy basketball. Get some scoring guards, flip the bird to the "assists" category, find a PF or two that shoots the 3 every once and a while if you're lucky, and voila, you have the most monotonous roster ever, but man will it haul in the fantasy rating. About the only categories that are good for guards are assists, 3pointers, and FT percentage. Blocks, steals, rebounds, points, fg percentage all are best performed by big guys that stick around the rim. Note also that there are no penalties for turnovers or fouls (something an efficient guard would be rewarded for).

Bottom line, we all should have wised up earlier, drafted an army of power forwards, and given up on being basketball fans, because fantasy aint nothing like basketball. Not only does the concept of putting together a "good team" make no sense (making the GM of fantasy a total fucking misnomer), but it also ruins your ability to enjoy being a fan. Doesn't matter that suns win, or Amare's coming back, or that Duncan plays like a legend. The fantasy part of my brain is too busy kicking myself that those numbers aren't going into my e-treasure chest of stats.

my only hope is that the fantasy league creates enough ire so that when we all meet to play basketball for real, the fun and shit talk will be upped by a bunch.

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So after reading both earv and wekk's posts about football, it occurs to me that earv is right; football does suck. The play style is boring, refereeing and instant replay play too much of an important role, and there also seems to be a stupid "let's play armies" quality about the whole lining up and gaining territory element of the game.

At the same time, wekk is right; football is a lot of fun. Getting to be part of the crowd, getting pumped up in a festive environment, and watching a spectacle event in an arena is one of the most basic human pleasures.

But earv isn't talking about football. He's talking about Football, capital F, the institution of the game and all its media, hype, controversy, prima dona stars. Earv's not talking about how football sucks to watch in person or play (though he points out some formal absurdities of the sport), he's talking about how dip shitted the whole thing is as a televised event, complete with instant replays, endless breaks, stupid announcing, and camera work that makes the game seem more like a video game than a home game.

Instead of hanging out with friends, listening to the band, or standing for 15 minutes in a line to take a piss (all the pleasures of live sporting events), we get from Football a discouraging set of in-game analysis, obnoxious graphics, and commercials that reward us for watching the tv obediently by making us laugh before they bypass one part of our brain and go straight up the hershey highway of powerful suggestion by visual signal. What a fuckin' ripoff.

Tackling your friend is fun. Watching someone that's part of your school tackle someone else is fun. Watching a Tostito's commercial is not fucking fun.

Wekk describes football as if it's some kind of ritual. That's because it is. But just because the wekk had a grand ole time at the Gators game does not cancel out that watching Football is actually a different viewing practice, and therefore a different (spectator) sport altogether than your average day at the bleachers. Wekk, man up, admit that watching football on TV is a depressing, boring, and soul-draining experience. Earv, you too; live violence is thrilling, especially when set to live music. We can talk about the ethics of it up and down and all day, but nevertheless it is appealing.

Football capital F might even be its own kind of ritual of sorts or even set of rituals, but it's shot through with all kinds of other bullshit that make the game about stats, clock, victories, and sponsors instead of watching your warriors of choice paste the feces out of the enemy, or if your lucky, kick off a helmet or two and stomp some faces Tennessee Titans style.

I know lots of professional sports are similar, but it's the timeframe and pace of football that aggrevates some of these unfavorable qualities. It's almost as if the sport was made for commercial breaks and televising. With all the late game timeouts and referee crackdowns on unsightly arguing, i'm afraid the same thing is happening to the NBA if it's not there already.

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So this just in about the sun and what it's capable of. I mean, the strangest thing is that we're surprised. It is a molten ball of burning stuff, right?

Experts recommend sunscreen, but we all know that the real answer is to target the terrorists on their home turf and invade the sun. Standing around here waiting for its next attack is not acceptable. At all. I'm calling for volunteers, any takers?

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Some days, you need 4 dollars. Others, you need just 1 dollar. Today, i think i need 4 dollars.

Friday marked the end of all my course work. That means no more classes for credit after 7 years. As a special form of celebration, I'm going to buzz off wesley's hair when he sleeps at calico. that way he can be a space monkey for his wedding.

kekekekekekekeke ^_^

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So right now i'm working on a project that involves the rise of the compact audiocassette in popular music listening and recording. anybody have any recommendations? if you ever have a chance to look at old school cassette advertisements, they really are hilarious.

oh, and if you're ever tempted to eat a platter full of nachos on your own, don't do it.

it may seem like an awesome idea, but it's not. it's just not.

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here's the peak of my amateur orchid garden. i've kept most of these in bloom for a stretch of 3-6 months, depending on the plant. i've got two layers of sheer curtain hung on this iron rack to keep the direct sun off the plants, and it's oriented so some of the most intense sun comes in the morning.



another helpful hint is to try to keep the humidity lower at night than during the day, so i start by turning off the fountain. only problem is, it's hard to decrease humidity when the doors to your bedroom are closed. the best thing to do would be to open a window, but nights are still too cold here for that.




not bad for a beginner, i think, but i still can't get my hawaiin species (top of the rack) to bloom, although they are summer bloomers. the real test comes from the care i give the phalenopsis when they're not blooming, since that time is really important. for now though, i @m teh win111







click each pic for a bigger view.

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If you play ultimate, get these cleats. Light, built kinda like a sprinting shoe, and on sale now on any internet store for 40.00. Normally 90.00. Seriously, they weigh only 9.6 ounces apiece. They have microfiber upper and a finish that is water repellant. Perfect for play on grass and all the sliding and dragging that comes along with the game.

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The sun has finally started coming out. This means i can start training for my summer matchup with wesley. In case you haven't tuned in lately, i'm going to crush him all summer long. With the new simulation technologies i have acquired, my game will be unstoppable.

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The 88 volkswagen fox. Quite possibly the world's finest car. Probably the best car ever made, at least from Brazil.

notice how everywhere it is, life springs up around it as a celebration of its awesomeness.

I have to sell the Fox because it doesn't drive too well for long distances, it's not comfortable, the exhaust is loud, and i want a car with more than 4 gears.

o yeah, and it's a total piece of shit.

One of my biggest regrets is that i never got a chance to drive it down to arkansas so Erv could laugh at it. I'm pretty sure if i let erv drive this car, he wouldn't stop laughing for days.

farewell fox, thanks for 2.5 years of faithul service.

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photo of a computer programmer's lunch buffet. lacks many nutrients.

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been a while, but now i'm back up in it with my very own virtual wanckerdom!

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yep, i got one about 2 weeks ago, playing ultimate frisbee. Caught the follow through of a fierce and careless back hand throw. The hand smashing my face made kind of a wet sound. Here's a picture of it from about a week back. The flash made it such that much of the bruising was faded out, but you can still appreciate the nice purpling under my right eye. what a blast!

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More pictures of the plants i care for in lieu of doing the studying i should be doing. Next up, opium poppies.



Remember, stare long enough and boredom will pass into fascination.

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If you haven't seen the Korean film Old Boy yet, rent it and watch it now. It's probably one of the most disturbing and at the same time beautiful movies I've seen since Hostel. No really, it really is a great movie, and afterward you'll never be able to look at hammers in the same way again.

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It's the latest plant activity! Only slightly more exciting than watching grass grow!!!

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