∑ilage

So last friday i got reported for a noise violation for having 5 people sit on my porch with me. If i get another one anytime soon (like say, walk outside and fart loudly), then apparently it's a 200 dollar ticket. yeehaw. i guess i should just live it up and park a derelict vehicle in the front yard and start drinking outside full time.

i just know my downstairs neighbor reported me, because 1) he was the only one home besides me, 2) he goes to bed at 10pm on any given night, 3) i need someone to blame. but really that neighbor, for all i've complained about him, isn't really a big deal.

my other neighbor, on the other hand, is a fucking creep. his codename is "tater tot" because he apparently eats a lot of them. talking to him makes me uneasey. he has a certain serial killer bashfulness about him, yet he always insists on coming into your house and staying for a while so he can engage you in meaningless conversations that just about throw it up in your face that he has no real interest in talking; he just wants to invade your space.

even creepier is that he keeps peering in the windows of my house. there have been a few incidents in the last two weeks where he walks by a window wearing some grandma shades and a north face headband and just gives us all a little peek. he even knocks on my door at 3 am. one time i was so alarmed i almost smashed him with a maglight because i thought he was a robber or something.

i am confident that one day i will see the inside of his apartment and discover pieces of half eaten bodies.